Do not save what is left for spending, but spend what is left after saving. -Warren Buffet

When you think about bringing up money discussions with your spouse, what is your first thought? Write that down. My hope for you, after reading this article, is that you have a few tools to not only speak to your spouse about money with confidence but also offer yourself grace for how you choose to invest your money.

 

Let’s unpack the raw truth. Navigating finances as a couple can be both rewarding and challenging. Just as understanding and speaking each other’s love languages can strengthen your relationship, applying Gary Chapman’s love languages to managing money with your spouse can foster greater intimacy. You read that correctly. Let’s explore how you can leverage the principles of love languages to improve communication, deepen connection, and align your financial goals as a couple.

 

Words of Affirmation

 

Is your primary love language words of affirmation? Does verbal encouragement and appreciation play a significant role in feeling loved and valued?

 

Apply this love language to your finances by regularly expressing gratitude and acknowledgment for your spouse’s contributions and efforts each week during your monthly budget meeting. Recognize their financial achievements, whether sticking to a budget, saving for a goal, or making wise investment decisions. Offer encouragement and support when we have to say no to spending money and unexpected challenges that drain our savings accounts by affirming your commitment to overcoming obstacles together.

 

Examples of Words of Affirmation

 

  • “Release your fears about money. We have love and a happy home.”
  • “We have everything we need.”
  • “We are becoming wealthier daily to support our family’s dreams.”

 

Quality Time

 

Quality time is about giving your undivided attention and focusing on meaningful interactions with your spouse. Apply this love language to your financial management by scheduling weekly budget meetings to discuss and demonstrate your commitment to each other. Set aside time to discuss your financial goals, review your budget, and make joint financial decisions. Did an unexpected bill arrive this month? What will you adjust in your monthly budget to cover this unexpected bill? Make a decision together and use this opportunity to listen actively, share openly, and collaborate on plans that reflect your priorities and values. By investing time in your financial partnership, you’ll strengthen your connection and alignment as a couple.

 

Quality Time Discussion Topics

 

  • “How much money do you want to save this month?”
  • “Are there sports clubs, membership dues, or deposits for vacations coming up?
  • “Is your monthly allowance enough?”

 

Acts of Service

 

For those who value acts of service, actions speak louder than words. Apply this love language to your finances by demonstrating thoughtfulness and consideration through practical gestures. 

 

Take initiative in managing certain aspects of your finances, such as paying bills, tracking expenses, or researching investment opportunities. Offer to take on tasks your spouse finds daunting or overwhelming, showing your willingness to support and alleviate their financial responsibilities. By actively participating in financial management, you’ll demonstrate your commitment to shared financial success and relieve some of the burden on your spouse.

 

Acts of Service in Action

 

In any marriage, there is a CEO and a CFO. These tendencies naturally enjoy making money decisions in a different way. In my marriage, I am the CFO. I enjoy leading the weekly budget meetings and creating the first draft of your monthly budget.  Meanwhile, keeping abreast of stock trends, researching our next car purchases, and the best camps to enroll our kids this summer is draining to me, but my husband, as the CEO, loves to set the direction for our finances

 

Gifts

 

Admittedly this is the love language I am weak in. Luckily, this love language ranks lowest in my marriage. It is a significant factor for our kids, or at least the ones they give us the most excitement about when we offer gifts.

 

So what is the gift love language? Gifts are tangible expressions of love and thoughtfulness for individuals who appreciate this love language. Apply this love language to your monthly budget by dedicating a line item to spend each month. The goal will be to exchange meaningful and intentional gifts that align with your financial goals and values as a couple. When a month is a little tight on the gift-giving option, instead of extravagant purchases, focus on thoughtful and practical gifts that contribute to your financial well-being, such as investing in experiences together, funding a shared savings goal, or purchasing items that enhance your financial security.  Giving and receiving gifts supporting your financial journey will reinforce your commitment to each other’s financial well-being.

 

Gift Giving Ideas to support your monthly budget

 

  • fireproof safe
  • financial planning book
  • subscription to a money management app

 

Physical Touch

 

Get your mind out of the gutter! Physical touch is a powerful way to convey love, intimacy, and connection. While applying this love language directly to finances may seem less intuitive, physical touch can still play a role in achieving your money goals. Use physical touch to communicate reassurance, comfort, and solidarity during financial discussions or moments of stress. Offer hugs, hand-holding, or affectionate gestures to convey empathy and support, reminding your spouse that you’re together. By infusing moments of physical touch into your weekly budget meetings, you’ll deepen your emotional connection and foster a sense of security and unity in your marriage.

 

Incorporating the principles of love languages into your monthly budget and weekly budget check-ins, you can transform your approach to money and strengthen your relationship with your spouse. 

 

Ways to Add Physical Touch in Your Budget

 

  • High give each other at the beginning of each budget meeting
  • Give each other a hug after a tough decision about adjusting your budget was made
  • Have a family dance to celebrate the deposit you made for an upcoming vacation

 

By speaking each other’s love languages in managing your money—whether through words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, or physical touch—you’ll cultivate a deeper understanding, communication, and alignment in achieving your money goals.

 

Embrace this journey of applying love languages to manage money, and watch your money grow and intimacy flourish.